but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
