I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
