I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
