It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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