What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
You may now shotgun with the bride
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
My vagina is officially offended.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
