i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
