Grow some girl-balls and come out already
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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