planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Randomize
