I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
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