i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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