Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize