so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
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