My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
It's rum buckets o'clock
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
