why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
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I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
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High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
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