The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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