She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
