your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
