My room smells like vodka and shame
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
