i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
