Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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