i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
