Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
this just has baby written all over it
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
