If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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