You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
