1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
