Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
