If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
my liver is dry heaving
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize