What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
