Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
