no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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