You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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