so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize