I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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