and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
