Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
