i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
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