If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
this must be what syphilis tastes like
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
