In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize
