Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
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