If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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