I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize