If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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