I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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