I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
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