Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
