my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
