and she was petting her beer can
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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