Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
