awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
