you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
