Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
There's even glitter on my cock...
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