How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
