I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
