Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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