anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
