just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
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