You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
