Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
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