Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
