She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Pants are for mortals
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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