did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
