i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
