i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Randomize
