I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
