I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Randomize
