in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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