Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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